The Holiday
Holidays are emotional. Throughout the country, they stir up feelings ranging from excitement to anger, sprinkled with moments of anxiety and jouissance. Across the nation, millions of excited children, frustrated college students, and lonely parents together create an emotional snapshot of the country. By focusing on emotions we can bypass cliche representations and edited photos to get at the holiday as a lived experience.
Waking up on July 4th I thought “it’s July 4th” – which is usually the sort of thing that I think first thing in the morning on a holiday. Subconsciously happy I find myself suppressing my excitement. Wondering why, I imagine it’s my body’s reaction to a feeling of cognitive dissonance. How could I be excited for a holiday that celebrates the birth of the American empire? Perhaps the answer to that question is holidays are really only ever about one thing – the renewal of the family.
Most mornings I grab coffee at a cafe before I begin my day – an expensive habit that I picked up during the pandemic. But on holidays the economy is suspended, the gears of capitalism slow to the bare minimum; or at least that was the case when I was a kid – nowadays it seems more stores are open than before. Nonetheless, for a significant portion of the country the holiday is a day of rest – a break from the workplace and one’s place within it. A holiday can do several times a year what anti-capitalists only dream of. Although the cafe that I go to in the mornings is open, I decide to make coffee downstairs with my family. As a force, the holiday suspends the normal world transporting us in time from a market-based society to a familial one.
After coffee and breakfast I go back to my room where I think about the rest of the day. I realize that besides watching fireworks at night we don’t have much else planned. Looking at the clock I notice I have about 12 hours to kill before the fireworks go off. On a regular day I’d spend my time working on personal projects, but given that I hardly see my family I set aside the day to spend it with them. Imagining myself in New York for the fourth, I’m sure I’d at least call my parents to check in and see how they’re doing. As families spend less holidays together, people begin to question the purpose of holidays.
I go on Instagram and see people posting about 4th of July. Someone posts a thirst trap with text that says something like “America is fucked, so why not at least party. Happy 4th!!”. Other people are complaining about how bad fireworks are for animals, and Mark Zuckerberg posted a video of him surfing in a tuxedo while drinking a beer and holding the American flag. I close the app and realize not a single one was about the renewal of the family. Perhaps holidays need a superficial reason in order to fulfill the real purpose.
Sitting around I find myself waiting for the arrival of the ceremony. But this waiting is where the holiday takes place. It takes place as I’m outside drinking a beer with my dad doing absolutely nothing except waiting for the time we have to go watch the fireworks. Wasting time especially in the age of the achievement subject feels excessive, but this expenditure serves to affirm the sacred place that the family holds.
Every holiday is marked by a ceremony that requires preparation beforehand. Whether it’s gifts or costumes or cooking, the preparation reveals the performative nature of the ceremony. Each person’s role changes throughout their life as they take on different familial roles. As a child your job is mostly to learn and experience the ceremony. As an adult your role takes on a more productive role. At 8 PM everyone gets ready to watch the fireworks.
Walking down the street, I think I’ve never seen so many families at once out together in my neighborhood. On most nights I might see couples in their 60s walking together at the park but never with their kids. When we get to the park we try to find the optimal spot for the kids to watch the fireworks. Standing around all the other families with children running around and screaming I feel a strange energy that I usually only feel on holidays.
As the fireworks start the screaming and running stops. Distracted by the explosions, presents, or costumes of holiday ceremonies, we fail to realize that the holiday more or less occurs before and after the ceremony. It’s in the seemingly meaningless moments that the holiday fulfills its function. As families separate, the holiday as a feeling of belonging is forgotten, thereby throwing into question its purpose.
After the fireworks end, we start walking home. On the way I notice a family saying goodbye on the sidewalk. The son and the father standing stiffly move to give each other a quick and awkward hug goodbye before turning separate ways where they won’t see each other until the next holiday.
